QUERENCIA DRAFT
I take a deep breathe of the fresh air and drop my board. I push my board towards the road and start riding. I can feel the ground beneath my board as I roll away. I land a kick flip first try, my day is already starting well. I pull out my phone to call up a couple of friends. I gain speed as I start to bomb down the hill, I feel free. I see the view of the city as I reach the bridge. It looks like something out of a magazine. Nothing is bothering me at this moment, its peaceful. I reach the bottom of the hill and ollie on to the sidewalk. I see the bus in my peripheral vision. Instantly, I push faster trying to race the bus. I make to the bus stop with just enough time to pull my bus pass out of my pocket.
Im finally at the park after a 30 minute bus ride. The wait was worth it. I plug my earphones into my phone, ASAP Rocky starts to play. I turn the volume up and drown out the world around me. I look around the park and start to skate around. I try a couple of tricks and bail. I get up and try again. I scrape my elbow, no big deal. My arms were covered in "battle scars." I finally land my trick. I feel accomplished. Its crazy how just this piece of wood with wheels can make you feel so many different things. I sit down with my friends to catch my breath. My mind is clear. I feel untouchable. Just me and my board.
Eddie in this sentence "I see the view of the city as I reach the bridge" shouldn't it be "i saw the view of the city as i reached the bridge".
ReplyDeleteYou also need to use more descriptive because in the beging you said " I push my board towards the road and start riding. I can feel the ground beneath my board as I roll away" some one might not Know what a board is you need to explain what it is.